A treatise on tears - having a good cry
January 2022. It’s been a bit of a difficult month.
The end of 2021 had already left so many of us feeling s t r e t c h e d very thin. Pulled very tight.
Then came Omicron.
Now Son-of-Omicron.
The 'let it rip' public health strategy (?) has caused literal chaos in workplaces, transport, manufacturing, supermarkets, chemists, hospitals, birthing units, IVF clinics, to our ancillary health services, our schools, to our children, to our elderly, to those with 'underlying health conditions' (and those of us who love them), in our regions that rely (almost completely) on tourism, in our Arts sector.
I could go on.
I must admit, it’s not an exaggeration to say that on a couple of occasions I've felt like a pressure-cooker not too far from exploding!
And then, invariably, the explosion happened.
Tears fell.
Actually, they poured down in a mighty torrent!
And then I felt better.
I was reminded that tears can be beautiful.
The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears or the sea - Karen Blixen
Crying is a release
It’s a physical release - your body feels lighter after a good cry.
Muscles are more relaxed. Shoulders and jaw loosen their tension. Facial muscles soften. It can physically tire you out, ready for some rest. In Ancient Rome tears were thought to be a way the body purged toxins - a cleanse you might say.
It’s also an emotional release - you can feel lighter emotionally after a cry.
Pent up hurt, anger, frustration, sadness, grief, fear, loneliness. So many Big Feelings that we hold onto and hold in. Emotional tears have been found to contain stress hormones - so crying is a literal emotional release.
A good cry acknowledges those big feelings. It’s a way to process them. A good cry is a healthy emotional response.
It’s self-soothing and therapeutic to have a cry.
Better out than in - Shrek
Making time to cry
Sometimes the tears fall easily.
Other times we are so accustomed to putting on a brave face, that the tears won’t come.
✴︎ There are big and often unacknowledged feelings around trying-to-conceive or sub-fertility.
✴︎ Around motherhood and how it's 'meant' to look.
✴︎ Around chronic illness and being in a body that feels like it's Falling Apart.
In each of these scenarios there can be feelings of isolation and loneliness.
Of grief and loss.
Of sadness and shame.
Of (self)blame and anger.
Of frustration and fear.
Of anxiety.
Sometimes we can't even name our feelings.
I’m going to suggest that, if you feel you’d benefit from it and if you feel safe to do so, make some time to cry.
This advice was given to me by a counsellor once and it was actually incredibly helpful.
For all the reasons I've given above, letting yourself cry is good therapy.
Create conditions that are ripe for a good cry
☾ Have some space and time
☾ Think about something sad
☾ Or listen to a sad song
☾ Watch a sad movie
☾ Look at some photos of someone you love and miss
And then, let your tears flow.
✴︎ Be vocal
✴︎ Turn the music up loudly if it helps
✴︎ Howl. Sob. Into a pillow if need be.
✴︎ Or in the shower
Invisible tears are the hardest to wipe away - Megan Slagter
It's difficult to heal invisible tears and un-named emotions.
A good cry is a way to explore your feelings and even to try and name them. As the waves of tears crash over you, what are you feeling? What's coming up? What words or phrases?
These are what you can work with, after the tears have dried.
You can work on these feelings by talking to someone. Or by journalling. Or with the assistance of flower essences.
Sometimes, for some of us, there are too many tears, too often.
This can be a sign of depression or post-natal depression.
Or of PMS, PMDD, ADHD, PTSD.
If you are worried about how much you're crying, or if you're not coping, please reach out for help. You can start with me, or your GP, or a counsellor, or any of the resources below.
Beyond Blue - Depression and anxiety support
Butterfly Foundation - Support for body image issues
Centre for Perinatal Psychology - Support during preconception, pregnancy and postpartum
Endometriosis Australia - Support network for women with endometriosis
Gidget Foundation - Perinatal anxiety and depression
PANDA - Perinatal anxiety and depression
Pink Elephants - Miscarriage support
Red Nose Grief & Loss - Miscarriage, stillbirth and newborn death support
Sands Australia - Miscarriage, stillbirth and newborn death support
If you have any questions about your mood or your fertility, please make an appointment with Jacintha to discuss.